I’m Sorry, but We’re Breaking Up

Do you ever wake up after a binge, whether it is eating or drinking something extremely toxic for the body, and want to scream ‘WTF was I thinking? How could I let that enter my body? He/she/it makes me want to run and hide in a corner’! Well my friends, I had one of those nights… with the devil himself: SUGAR!

I was craving him after my morning meeting so I popped over to Whole Foods. I vehemently screamed at a floor manager that I was in desperate need to feed my insatiable palate. My craving was so strong, she knew just what to feed my tongue. Unfortunately, she left me to ponder over the many choices on the chocolate shelf. CRAP! I grabbed some sugar free delights, but then I saw the most beautiful treat of them all. Dark chocolate sea salt caramels, and yes I grabbed them unbeknownst to the lovely woman who tried to steer clear of the dangerous desserts. I felt guilty running to the cashier who by the way looked at me as if I did something terrible. Look, I knew smuggling chocolates under my arms is bad enough, but then I felt like a criminal. I let myself down and the woman who helped me feed the beast known as my bad habit. At that moment though I did not give two flying geese!

I ran to my car and right away indulged in some disgusting sugar-less truffles. Dirt mixed together into a round ball of disappointment. I reached deeper into the bag and pulled out the only miracle I purchased. I sat in the Whole Foods parking lot and quietly indulged. I ran to my next meeting with wonderful satisfaction knowing fair well that I cheated on my beloved Keto diet. But I couldn’t stop enjoying those evil treats. It’s like Big League Chew; you take a few strands but it’s not enough. You keep popping the gum in your mouth, and by the time you’re finished, you’re left with a whole wad and an empty package! My dang sweet tooth was jumping for joy. With too much excitement and a mouth full of dismay, I tried to read before bed last night. The sugar crash took over slowly but before I knew it, I was waking up to kisses from my dog and no pants.

I arose from my bed in a panic not knowing where my garments disappeared to, but then I remembered I didn’t wear any to bed! That’s how much sugar I consumed in one sitting! Shame on me, and the hangover this morning was unbearable. I looked in the mirror frightened at the dark circles and mascara under my hazel eyes. Seriously, Brittany, what in the world happened? I washed my face, teeth and ran downstairs to the fridge. That’s when I saw the devil staring back at me. Only 6 left, and you already feel awful this morning. Why not finish what you started? So I did. Finished the decedent devils this morning. I promised myself I wouldn’t, but the devil is my drug of choice at the moment which is why we need to have a long talk.

I think it’s time I kiss him goodbye, and I need to let him down gently. Or maybe not gently but with force. At this point, like all old boyfriends, he finds his way back to me. But I need to make sure there is not a next time! That’s going to be difficult, and I may need to consult my therapist on this one….. sigh!

Xoxo B

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